Archive

Archive for the ‘Women’ Category

Still A Winner

October 24, 2010 Leave a comment

I woke up this morning at a chicks loft in her bed… Really, REALLY hungover. Jokingly I told her that I’m thinking of mellowing out on partying and drinking. She then laughed at me. I couldn’t help but laugh with her. Who am I kidding, I like to rage!

But then the best thing happened:

Girl: You know the only time you ever see me is when you’re drunk…

Me: That is so not true (long pause) YEA, that is so not true

Girl: Well there was the one time you were really hungover.

Me: HAHAHA! Wow, I’m a dick.

I’ll let you guys decide if you think she’s hot or not.

Advertisements
Categories: Hilarious, Random, Women

Big Winner

October 23, 2010 Leave a comment

When girls would come over to my place, I use to sometimes think to myself. Did she really mean she wasn’t going to do anything with me tonight? Then when they would come over… They would always do more than nothing. The majority of the time, they would be in my bed and ready for, the “business”.

I had a girl over a couple of days ago. We met at a bar and she came to my place for the first “date”. Now in my opinion, if a girl comes over to your place on the first night hanging out aside from meeting at the bar then she’s planning something. She already knows what she wants out of the situation. She wants to get the dick.

I’m already thinking this when she’s on my couch drinking my red wine. After we watched a movie we started to fool around. Then while i’m “excited” and she’s playing with it, I ask if she will suck on it. Haha… She laughed and I got annoyed. Then she replies with, who do you think I am? I’m not going to do that.

I WAS SHOCKED! In my mind I’m thinking, then why the fuck come over to my place and fool around with me? Hmm… I decided to go along with it and accepted the fact that nothing would happen. Except me busting a nut on her chest or stomach. Eventually I ask her if I can grab a condom and get this party started. She thought about it for a split second and said go for it. I leaped up off the couch, grabbed a condom and proceeded to pleasure this young lady.

I don’t get it though… So you won’t blow me but you’ll let me fuck you?! Weird… Either way, I’m the big winner for the evening.

Categories: Hilarious, Random, Women

Mind Games

September 2, 2010 Leave a comment

I’m working on a project in Arizona right now. I must say, these chicks out here know how to party! You can quote me, bitches.

Over the past couple of days I’ve been working on a pretty young thing, trying to get her back to my hotel for some sexual healing. All my hard work finally paid off last night when she came over… Or so I thought. First off, all the signs were there for some late night sex tape loving.

1.) She wanted to hangout after I Midnight.

2.) She wanted to still drink even though we were so close to last call.

3.) SHE CAME INTO MY HOTEL ROOM AFTER DINNER AND DRINKS!!!

Maybe I went into this overconfident. Dinner was good with basic conversation and some flirting here and there, nothing too strong. The drive to and from the restaurant was good. How could I not think about us getting dirty, everything was going great. I invite her back to my room and she eagerly accepts. While in the room we share a little bit of wine while watching a really shitty movie. WE EVEN STARTED MAKING OUT!! Hmm… Then she whispers, “I don’t want to do anything”. WTF?! I smile and roll over on the bed. She then says, “did i just make things awkward?” In my mind I was thinking, no not at all. You just wasted precious sleeping time… Chick!

I then crawled under the covers and proceeded to get some rest. She leaves awkwardly and I could have cared less. Sleep was on top of my priority list.

BUT DAMN, how did that happen?!

Categories: Random, Women

Damn Victoria Secret

 How do these tits below…

End up looking like these tits?!

It’s a TRAVISHAMOCKERY!! FUCK… YOUUUUUUUUUU Victoria Secret.

Categories: Hilarious, Women

Hot Tellers

Working in Sherman Oaks is torture some times. There are beautiful women all over the place and I’m sure a good majority of them are Strippers and/or Adult Entertainers. Believe me, I’m not complaining at all.

I work at a high-rise that has my bank at the bottom street level. So I go in to daily transaction like, give my broke ass brothers and sister money. Deposit/Cash expense checks etc. Every time I go in, I’m hit with probably hands down one of the hottest chicks I’ve ever had the pleasure of talking to at the window. I remember when the Tom Leykis Show was on the air, Tom use to talk about how he never went after strippers, actresses or any high-profile girls. He would target the random hot chick at the grocery store or in this case, the bank. Now, before I ever heard Tom say this, I was already making this happen.

I’ve recently spent  a lot of time thinking about trying to get her phone number. But how do you do it without making it seem like you’re trying to rob the bank?! Also, what if things work out and go sour all of a sudden, will this chick be all up in my account adding addition fees to my shit?!

I use to go to a bank on La Brea in West Hollywood and ran into the same problem. The opportunity passed for me to try to talk to this girl, primarily because I moved. But here I am faced with it AGAIN at a different branch. Damn you L.A. and all of your attractive dark hair, light eyed busty bank tellers in their (assuming) early to mid twenties!!!

I don’t know what to do. Maybe one day for shits and giggles, I will try to talk to her. Maybe later on I will tell you guys about the hot chick at Starbucks across the street! Damn… Gotta love L.A.

Categories: Dating, Women

MidFresh

As I’m wrapping up a business trip in Kansas City, I wanted to take a moment to share with you a thought that I had from last night. While hitting up some bars, I found it pretty funny how you can be inside of  a venue and it’s humid and hot, then go outside and it’s humid and hot. This happened at about all 4 of the bars I went to last night and I’m thinking it was due to the fact that they all have outdoor patios. Naturally the huge doors to the patio are open and any chance that the A/C would hit you in the club was slim. The whole time I’m hanging out, I find it fascinating that my balls are pretty damn sweaty. At the same time I see everyone sweating all over the place.

Now in LA, I believe the majority of these places would not exist because people would be too cool to sweat in some fancy gear. But not these KC folks… Dudes and females are dripping wet all over the place. If my balls were practically dripping with sweat, I wonder how some of these vaginas were doing?

Weird, I know… But as I’m getting drunk, these random ass thoughts were literally running full speed through my mind. It wouldn’t have stopped me from trying to get some though! Unfortunately on this trip I came up short… No sex, very minimal touching and a couple of phone numbers. Lame.

I think I was trying too hard on this trip, probably because I’m only in town for 4 days instead of 4 weeks.

Categories: Clubs, Random, Women

I’m alive… Kind of

Once I get done watching this for the 500th time… I’ll get to posting, I swear.

Categories: Women Tags: ,