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Hot Tellers

Working in Sherman Oaks is torture some times. There are beautiful women all over the place and I’m sure a good majority of them are Strippers and/or Adult Entertainers. Believe me, I’m not complaining at all.

I work at a high-rise that has my bank at the bottom street level. So I go in to daily transaction like, give my broke ass brothers and sister money. Deposit/Cash expense checks etc. Every time I go in, I’m hit with probably hands down one of the hottest chicks I’ve ever had the pleasure of talking to at the window. I remember when the Tom Leykis Show was on the air, Tom use to talk about how he never went after strippers, actresses or any high-profile girls. He would target the random hot chick at the grocery store or in this case, the bank. Now, before I ever heard Tom say this, I was already making this happen.

I’ve recently spent  a lot of time thinking about trying to get her phone number. But how do you do it without making it seem like you’re trying to rob the bank?! Also, what if things work out and go sour all of a sudden, will this chick be all up in my account adding addition fees to my shit?!

I use to go to a bank on La Brea in West Hollywood and ran into the same problem. The opportunity passed for me to try to talk to this girl, primarily because I moved. But here I am faced with it AGAIN at a different branch. Damn you L.A. and all of your attractive dark hair, light eyed busty bank tellers in their (assuming) early to mid twenties!!!

I don’t know what to do. Maybe one day for shits and giggles, I will try to talk to her. Maybe later on I will tell you guys about the hot chick at Starbucks across the street! Damn… Gotta love L.A.

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Categories: Dating, Women

Hoes as Housewives

“From the way she was blowin, I know she does it a lot
I have a eight-and-a-half, nine-and-three-quarters
The hoe started callin when I started boss ballin
Gimme some head, gimme some ass (uh-huh)
Gimme some cash, pass it to Daz
Pass it to Snoop, or pass it to Nate
Hoes eat dick like eggs and steak…”

What a great song. Earlier today I was surfing twitter and an interesting tweet came up that I want to share:

Those are some serious questions. I know how I would answer it…

We all make mistakes in our lives but this one is kind of serious. Especially with the direction technology is going these days. The vast majority of us are on Facebook and even with the way that their “privacy settings” are setup, even that information can be brought up by anyone and any given time with information about yourself. Now someone doing porn is completely different, but still. Just imagine you’re a free-spirited person who likes to have multiple sexual partners for the hell of it without getting paid 😉 .

You start to tell your close friends about those experiences and all is peachy. All of a sudden you get past that phase in your life and you decide to settle down. Your significant other decides to lougle (See Hot Tube Time Machine) your ass and what happens? Those stories you shared via Facebook with your friends from your past is now open to that person to review. Now let’s hope they’re a little forgiving about the chicks/dudes you use to bag back in the day.

You know what’s really cool though? Let’s say you were not in the Adult Industry but your partner was. Now let’s say you got into an argument with that person about, oh… I don’t know. Maybe you forgot to pick up groceries or something. Or maybe it was your day to pick up the kids from school but you forgot because you were playing Call of Duty 4 and you had to see the ending of the Airport level. Yea… You could always throw in her face (assuming your married to a female) that she use to take dick… to the throat… FOR MONEY! Then the conversation would be over. You’re back to killing random pedestrians at an airport in Russia and she’s off to pick up the groceries and the kids.

Done and done.

But I could do it… Especially coming from L.A. where I would say a good chunk of the “actresses” have done some kind of nude scene/photo’s or softcore porn anyway. People would get excited about it for a while then it would… blow… over. A close friend of mine was dating an active porn star and they had a healthy relationship for a while. He told me what her stage name was and everything… I might have rubbed a couple out to her at home and there might have been some random jokes about her (behind her back) and how many dicks could fit in her mouth. Eventually the jokes stopped… I still beat off to her at home and all was well.

Hooter Girls

Recently I spent some time in the Midwest. Now it doesn’t take a trip to the Midwest to realize that Hooter girls are easy… Super easy. They’re like strippers in a way. Attention whores begging for something “real”.

Whenever I hit the road for work, the first thing I do is look for the local Hooters. They’re all the same no matter which one you go to in the country. I have to commend their upper management on their training model. Hooters knows how to pick’em.

Unfortunately where I’m located in New York, there isn’t one within striking distance.

And that’s it… That’s all I’ve got.

Categories: Dating, Women Tags: ,

Don’t Doubt Yourself

March 15, 2010 Leave a comment

I need to update more… I promised myself I would try to add at least one post a week. With that being said, here we go!

The last time I actually “hated” on a guy was probably about 6 1/2 years ago. I can remember the incident like it was yesterday.

The girl I was persuing was interested in a guy that didn’t have a personality but was a Model/Actor. Down on myself I figured that I couldn’t compete with that… Here I am a businessman whose committed to 60-70 hours a week of work. Then there is the Model/Actor dude who’s living the dream booking shows and photoshoots at random but making twice the money I am. Oh yea and doesn’t work nearly as many hours as me so he has more of an opportunity to take down this chick. So I naturally hated on him…

Nonetheless, I was determined to have this chick think of me before this other guy. I knew of the other guy and we would talk from time to time. We would talk about her and he told me straight up that he wanted to just hit it and be done. Haha! I wanted to be her Superman. Damn, I’m laughing now because I haven’t really thought about it in detail till now. Plus I must have looked like a fool to this chick.

Knowing that this dude just wanted to hit. I ended up telling the chick basically that. At the time she got mad at me for being a bitch and telling her the truth. Then she got mad at dude for wanting to just hit and pass it on. Hahaha! Damn… I was a clown. But I thought I was going to build something with this girl and I wanted it to be special. Well that planned back-fired and she eventually stopped talking to both of us. I left it alone and she started to talk to me again after a couple weeks of silence.

We dated for a short period of time and then grew a part. The thing with this girl was, she was so damn sexy that she would have ballers taking her across the country and even buying her things. Knowing all of that, I never thought I had a chance. I doubted myself… I think we grew apart in a way because I felt as if I could never compare to her getting picked up in Ferrari’s or take her on trips to exotic places.

I learned a valuable lesson from that situation. Since then, I’ve dated a few models and other girls that were at the same calibar or higher without thinking too much into it. I like to get lost in my head sometimes when it comes to chicks. Luckily I’ve become so mentally exhausted from working so much that I can’t and refuse to think too much into relationships or even hooking up with girls.

I perpetually go into each interaction like I don’t give a fuck… Because… I don’t.

Categories: Dating, Women Tags: , , ,

Small Fucking World (Part 2)

February 9, 2010 Leave a comment

Alright so check out Part 1 first if you like, just so you’re caught up.

Me: Hey, so how do you know my Friend and Jerkface again?

Her: Oh, from like friends of friends. We all met awhile back.

Me: Uhhh… That’s all?

At this point I think she knew what I was getting at. I mean, she knew that those guys were my friends.

Her: Well, we did some stuff.

Her: But that was at a point in my life where I was really fucked up and I’m passed all of that now.

Me: (Silent)

Her: I hope that this doesn’t change anything between us… If it does, then I understand and it was nice meeting you and spending a little time together.

Me: I need to call you back

For some odd reason I was genuinely hurt but then confused. I had no reason to feel any pain… I had no reason to be confused. She hit a rough period in her life where she pretty much let dudes run trains on her. But who was I to judge her for that? I really had feeling for this girl.

Eventually I call her back and we talk a little more. I tell her straight up that it is what it is. We brush it under the rug and we go on with our lives together. We stayed in contact when I went to college. Over the years we would hangout and everything but I could never manage to have sex with her. Believe it or else, at that point in my life I was nowhere near the Man Whore I am to this day. I’d maybe had sex with like 4 or 5 different girls. A couple were girlfriends and a couple were not.

We eventually grow apart and after a few different cell numbers and addresses, she was lost in the wind. Until I moved to a new neighborhood… One day at my new house, I decided to wash my truck. Halfway through this whole process comes along the girl who lived directly across the street from me. We smiled here and there throughout the summer but I never actually spoke to her, until that day.

After a couple of conversations that week, I come to find out that this girl is best friends with the girl who got pounded by my buddies. Yes, best friends with her. Weird, I know. So she starts to tell me how she’s doing, turns out that she has a kid now and is engaged. I’m super happy for her and I tell the friend to relay that message to her. I start to hangout with the girl across the street and her man throughout the summer and the husband starts to tell me that the girl won’t stop talking about me and how she’s too nervous to actually stop by anymore to see them.

Let’s be honest… I get that ALL THE TIME with girls. It’s mind bottling (yes I did that on purpose). Ok, I’m kidding.

So I tell my neighbors husband to just tell her to stop by. If she’s uncomfortable with it, then so be it. But I’m going back to college in a few weeks. They relay the message to the girl and randomly a couple days later, she shows up. Oh man… When I tell you she looked good, I mean she looked good. Wasn’t by any means “done up”. Just in jeans a t-shirt and hair pulled back. I find myself drawn more to chicks when they’re in laid back gear… I blame all the years of sports.

We start to talk and catch up on things. Now I know she’s got a man now but I’m not worried about it. Honestly I was not worried because I knew that I was not going to do anything with her. She was hot and all but I’m not in favor of breaking up households… At that time.

A few days before I leave back to college, she invites me over to her place to hangout. Yea, well… We had sex and it was about 3 or 4 years worth of built up frustration that filled the room accompanied by the smell of balls and ass. I actually went back to college and was kind of mad at myself for waiting so long to have sex with her. Needless to say, it was amazing.

Before I go I’ll leave you with this… The guy she was engaged to (probably now married to) at the time. Is a guy I went to High School with and used to pick on because he was a little prick. We played football together and I use to make fun of him on the field. Ahh yeaaa… Those were the days.

Take that fucker.

Categories: Dating, Relationships, Women

Carmen Ortega at Reggie Bush’s crib…

February 7, 2010 Leave a comment

I’ve NEVER allowed a chick to have keys to my crib… EVER. And this is why you don’t. One reason is because the chick your banging will allow friends to come over and do shit like this.

Right when you’re about to propose to your main chick.

I know this is probably water under the bridge since you’ve just won Super Bowl 44. But obviously, somebody is still a rookie when it comes to certain things.

But damn… Carmen Ortega is out of control sexy.

P.S. Who the FUCK is this dudes Interior Decorator?! He/She needs to be fired, immediately and never allowed to design again.

Why Did You Bring Your Girl?

February 4, 2010 2 comments

Taking your significant other with you to a bar or club can be a risky situation. Tonight something interesting happened… We will get into that in a few. First I’d like to explain a few things to you. Whenever you take someone you’re “with” to a bar or club, it is almost setting that person up for failure or even yourself up for failure. Let’s talk about the 4 different types of people you would potentially bring to a bar:

1.) The Friend is a bad move because of one major thing… Communication. Remember when you had that friend of the opposite sex and you guys would have the best time together. Loved the same shit, always hung out at the same spots etc. But then there was an awkward moment that had someone confess feelings that you didn’t know they had. Sometimes when you bring that “friend” to the bar and they see you jocking other people of the opposite sex. They tend to get jealous… They also tend to get irritated and once the liquor is flowing, they start to get aggressive. Now you’re caught into a position where you don’t know what to do next. Either you try to date that person and it never works or you try to keep it cool and stay friends. Either way, that shit never works out at the end… EVER! Alright, there are some random occurences but for the most part that shit is an epic fail.

2.) The Fuck Buddy is a bad move because that person or yourself don’t really understand the parameters around just fucking. Feelings always get involved. Someone always thinks it’s just NSA (That was for my Craigslist pervs out there – No Strings Attached) fucking. The other usually thinks it could potentially become more. Once someone see’s the other talking to someone else and they seem interested, in comes the jealous feelings and sometimes confusion. Usually it ends with an argument and someone going, “Yo, I thought we were just fucking!!”. Heh… None the less… It’s a bad move.

3.) The Partner is a bad move for all things obvious… Someones eyes are going to wonder and it’s going to really piss you off. Or they will hold a conversation with someone that might be a little too long for your taste. But you are to blame… Why put them in that position?

4.) The First Date, which is my personal favorite. The date always seems to be going in the right direction until someone who they’re really interested in walks by. Plus once the alcohol is in their system and they start to think too hard about NOT looking… They tend to look too hard. Haha, love it. But we all like to use the bar as a first date icebreaker. We need the alcohol to mellow us out so we’re not so nervous. I’ve actually learned different ways to deal with the nervousness. I face it and put it out for the world to see. Most chicks think it’s cute. Haha… Most but not all.

Now tonight, The First Date scenario happened to me. I was just hanging out and then I come across this super sexy chick. You could tell from the body language that this was a first date. There was no touching… They we’re alone… The guy was talking waaaaaay too much and he was drinking waaaaaay too fast. Her eyes start to wonder and we made eye contact at least 3 or 4 different times and even shared a smile. To be honest I felt bad for the guy. He was really into her and was trying to keep her interested but it just wasn’t working.

Ultimately what I’m trying to say is, don’t bring your girl/man to a bar if you haven’t established who and what you guys are. Me personally… You won’t catch me with a girl who I’m really into at a bar/club. Unless I’m ready to lose that chick. You have to be ready for it. You can’t put someone in that kind of environment and not expect them to get curious. This is primarily because of the alcohol involved and the general purpose for people to be at these spots. To meet someone to hook-up. If you deny that you’ve gone to a club/bar to meet someone to hook-up with, you’d be lying to yourself. If and I mean IF I do it, it’s going to be after I’ve laid major pipe for at least a month. Then and only then, it’s going to be to say hello to someone and we’re out!

Think about it fuckers…