Archive for March, 2010

Strippers – The Forbidden Fruit

March 23, 2010 Leave a comment

Over the years I’ve had some luck bagging strippers. And every time it happens I’m always super surprised. Only after about the 3rd or 4th one did I realize that this shit is not that hard. It’s in all honesty very simple.

It does take some self-control. A little bit of patience and $20 bucks… Tops. Or whatever the cost of a lap dance. This system almost never works when you’re with a group of guys or alone. So it’s best to just go with one of your boys or better yet a girl.

Step 1.) Once you’re in the club scan the room and find the woman of your choice. Take some time to see what she’s all about. If she’s not too involved with the other girls and kind of off doing her own thing, then you’ve got a winner. Don’t start to hit on the girls and do NOT accept any dances, even from the woman you picked. You want to act as if being there is cool but not like your destination for the night. If the woman you picked does come up to you, decline a dance but ask if she will shit down and talk to you. Once she’s down, you’re ready to move on to…

Step 2.) So the plan is to get them to actually talk to you about things other than her in a g-string. You have to seem genuinely into her outside of the club. But this is tricky… Strippers deal with a lot of stalkers and pervs on a regular basis. So they’re not going to just offer up that kind of information right out the gate. My recommendation is start talking about what you do and what you’re there for. Eventually she will open up and tell you something along the lines of her being still in school or just living the stripper dream… Sex, Drugs and Victoria Secret Body Spray. Usually I tell them that I never go to strip clubs and my friend dragged me out because he was bored. Followed by I’m a workaholic and prefer to be in the office trying to better myself then out and about. But I occasionally will grab a drink to relax and let loose. If you can hold a straight face while saying the above or something similar, they’ll usually feed your something about them that they won’t tell the normal scrub in the club.

Step 3.) Once the conversation has migrated towards really getting to know each other. Then and only then, you ask for a dance. Which will probably surprise her. Before you can sit down and she starts to do her thing, tell her you just want her to be close to you and she doesn’t need to dance. Sounds gay I know, but that shit works. Ask her to straddle you and talk. I bet she’s never seen that shit before! You’ve just migrated from average perv dude in the club to someone who could potentially bang out a stripper in hopefully less than an hour. Once the song is over tell her to come back to the table and talk if she wants. They always come back… Always.

I’ve shifted the steps around sometimes and went from Step 1 to Step 3, then to Step 2. But I’ve found this way to be better. Once she’s back at the table after the dance, it’s time to close the deal. Start off with saying something like… “Hey, we should hangout some time. You seem like a fun girl to get to know.” Immediately follow it with, “I’m sure you can’t give out your number but if you want to hangout, we should get together some time”

Once you have the number and you’re pretty much in. There should be no more thinking about the situation after. Call her the next day, setup a time to meet and if you’re not banging that night then you need help. The reality is, you just got a strippers number who was practically naked in front of you while you go it. She’s going to fuck on the first night. You’ve already seen her naked!!

Couple tips: Don’t try this wasted. Don’t try this on multiple girls in the same club. This plan backfired on me one time because I was, wasted and I figured ok, if the one I’m working on doesn’t pan out. I’ll try another. What I didn’t realize is that strippers talk to each other behind closed doors. The one who I thought I had in the bag was talking to the other that I thought I could tackle as well. I think you can guess the rest, they both pretty much dissed me and I was left with a massive erection and neither of them to help me with it. If the girl goes back and talks to other chicks about you, the other chicks are not going to have anything to say because you’re only focused on her, which in turn makes you out to be different than other guys.

If you don’t like my system then you can always try the Shock and Awe. I’ve never tried this technique but I can see how it can be effective.

Categories: Clubs, Women Tags: ,

Work It Out At Work

March 17, 2010 Leave a comment

I’ve read a lot of articles talking about dating at work. Some actually stated that it is ok to date and work. The majority of the articles said to stay away from it. I’d agree with the majority. Dating at work is never a good idea… EVER! Even the occasional booty call is a bad idea if you work with that person.

I’ve had to learn the hard way. Early in my career I actually strayed away from it. But as I got more comfortable I decided to just take the plunge. Not thinking too much about the right candidate. But just thinking about “getting it in”. After making many mistakes, I’ve broken down some characteristics to look for that can make the process tolerable if you’ve decided to go down that road. Actually… Just two, believe it or not:

Maturity – I look for someone who knows how to shut the fuck up. Someone who is beyond the water cooler talks. A chick who can separate herself from work. She doesn’t need to be a part of the gossip in the workplace. She doesn’t even consider the people she works with friends. When she’s at work, she’s working and when she’s done, she out. Someone who spends too much time trying to be friends with people at work and trying to be “in the know”. Is no bueno.

Experience – It’s helpful if they’ve gone down that road and learned how to play the game. Or at least is familiar with the process and knows the potential outcome for both parties. The reality is, when your company finds out… It’s not going to end good for someone. If you’re the male, 9 times out of 10 you’re the one moving on. If she knows what’s up then she’s more incline to not say anything and let it be what it is.

You should probably stay away from the young intern or assistant or whatever. Primarily because they’re running their mouths too much. It’s easier for them to slip up in conversation or make the situation obvious to others. I know it’s probably hard to do because they’re just so young… So innocent and so… Tender. But do your best to stay away.

Always understand the consequence for your actions though. Yea it might be great to bang in the office, in the parking lot, in the elevator or even in the break room. But all that goodness will end at some point. Are you ready to be transferred or worse ready to lose your job? Is the pussy or dick that good? Whenever I thought I was going to get fired or had another gig lined up… I usually tried to destroy as much vagina as possible. Unfortunately for me, that happened 3 different times and it turns out I still have my job after 5+ years. Thankfully I don’t really have a home base and I travel all over.

Categories: Uncategorized

Identity Crisis v1.0

March 17, 2010 6 comments

I had no identity… Until last night.

Follow me on Twitter – @GetWeirdHarold
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Categories: Uncategorized

Don’t Doubt Yourself

March 15, 2010 Leave a comment

I need to update more… I promised myself I would try to add at least one post a week. With that being said, here we go!

The last time I actually “hated” on a guy was probably about 6 1/2 years ago. I can remember the incident like it was yesterday.

The girl I was persuing was interested in a guy that didn’t have a personality but was a Model/Actor. Down on myself I figured that I couldn’t compete with that… Here I am a businessman whose committed to 60-70 hours a week of work. Then there is the Model/Actor dude who’s living the dream booking shows and photoshoots at random but making twice the money I am. Oh yea and doesn’t work nearly as many hours as me so he has more of an opportunity to take down this chick. So I naturally hated on him…

Nonetheless, I was determined to have this chick think of me before this other guy. I knew of the other guy and we would talk from time to time. We would talk about her and he told me straight up that he wanted to just hit it and be done. Haha! I wanted to be her Superman. Damn, I’m laughing now because I haven’t really thought about it in detail till now. Plus I must have looked like a fool to this chick.

Knowing that this dude just wanted to hit. I ended up telling the chick basically that. At the time she got mad at me for being a bitch and telling her the truth. Then she got mad at dude for wanting to just hit and pass it on. Hahaha! Damn… I was a clown. But I thought I was going to build something with this girl and I wanted it to be special. Well that planned back-fired and she eventually stopped talking to both of us. I left it alone and she started to talk to me again after a couple weeks of silence.

We dated for a short period of time and then grew a part. The thing with this girl was, she was so damn sexy that she would have ballers taking her across the country and even buying her things. Knowing all of that, I never thought I had a chance. I doubted myself… I think we grew apart in a way because I felt as if I could never compare to her getting picked up in Ferrari’s or take her on trips to exotic places.

I learned a valuable lesson from that situation. Since then, I’ve dated a few models and other girls that were at the same calibar or higher without thinking too much into it. I like to get lost in my head sometimes when it comes to chicks. Luckily I’ve become so mentally exhausted from working so much that I can’t and refuse to think too much into relationships or even hooking up with girls.

I perpetually go into each interaction like I don’t give a fuck… Because… I don’t.

Categories: Dating, Women Tags: , , ,

Confused Tar Heel

March 11, 2010 Leave a comment

I had no idea that Washington DC was nicknamed “Chocolate City”. After about two weeks or so of being here it now makes sense. I’ve seen a nice assortment of Black chicks out here that are unreal sexy. I’ll be honest and say I haven’t been with too many Black chicks. Until these past few weeks, I could have probably counted on one hand how many Black chicks I’ve actually smashed. Well… That changed pretty quickly recently. Now I can count them with TWO hands!

Last Friday I went out late night style here in DC. Everyone around town kept recommending this club called The Park. I figured why not check it out and I’m actually glad that I did. The venue was beautiful. The door guys did a great job keeping the ratio from women to men strong. Probably around 3 or 4 to 1. This place is upscale so naturally all the women were in their slutties of attire.

Walking through the venue I catch eyes with a couple girls but wasn’t too impressed. For multiple reasons… I’m in this club alone and a few of the girls were in packs. You’ll never catch me going up to a girl that’s with more than one of their friends. In my opinion you’re setting yourself up for failure by trying to infiltrate the group. Other girls were not up to par with what I was looking for. In random cities where no one knows me or what I do, it’s best to go right after the hottest of the hottest chicks in the room. At the end of the day if I get rejected I’m not too concerned. They’ll never see me again after my project is complete in this city.

All of a sudden I see a nice one with just one of her friends. Perfect! We chat for a bit and then we start to dance. I will say this about girls from the South. They know how to mooooooove. While in Houston I couldn’t find a chick who couldn’t dance. This young lady was from North Carolina. She did some dance moves that I’ve only seen in Dirty South bootleg music videos. Now don’t get it confused, she was not by any means a “hood chick”. Her father and mother are surgeons and she’s a political advisor in the city. Drives a new Lexus IS350 and has her own condo… All at 22. I think for a hot second I compared my life to hers and wanted to punch a baby. But that left me quickly after I decided to do my best to get back at her achievements by making her cater to my every need.

Signature move while dancing with a girl for a long period of time: Put her hands on my dick.

See… I do this because after dancing for a long period of time. The girl knows what she is doing to you. She knows you’re excited. She also is more than likely turned on by it. Depending on how big/small your package is. I’m already turned on by her without even dancing. But having her body close to mine on the dancefloor is just adding icing to the cake. Immediately after her ass is pressed against me, all I can think about is taking her back to my hotel or going to her place. I try to put her hand on it and she promptly pulls it away like she knows what I’m going to do. I laugh and she turns around smiles at me and says the following:

“I’m a good girl and a Daddy’s girl… My dad would not like me to be touching on you and we just met, that’s not going to happen.”

I uhh… Know how this game is played. I think she wanted me to come back with some kind of line like:

“You’re not with your Daddy now. What’s wrong with touching it? We don’t have to do anything else”


“Girl, I was just playing with you! I just wanted to see what you were going to do”

Well, the game is to keep them guessing. I didn’t say anything actually. I just gave her a half-ass smile and raised an eyebrow. Ultimately I’ve learned that most girls want you to sweat them and press them to get what you want. They want to have the control over the guy. But in a city like DC where the women out number the men 3-1… I’m not having it. And because she was just one in a line of 5 or 6 others who were giving me eyes in the club that night. Eventually the table turns from me trying to get her to touch it, to her now asking me where my hotel is. Umm… Yes? We start to make-out following the question. The friend who was with her just lost her purse so she had to take her back to her place. I told her perfect, I’m coming over also. Then she said the oh so predictable line to me:

“Ok, that’s cool… But you have to be good. Hands to yourself!”

HAHAHA! Yea, ok. We leave the club and jump into a cab. Finally we’re at her place and the friend immediately passes out in the guest room. Now it’s me and the newly graduate from UNC. Another thing I noticed about Southern Girls is that they love to cook. Oh yea, she’s going to cook for me alright:

Me – Hey… So, I’m kind of hungry.

Her – Oh I love to cook! What are you in the mood for?!

Me – Whatever you feel like making… Just make sure it includes scrabbled eggs, toast and sausage. [smile]

She cooked some dope as eggs and sausage. Once I cleaned my plate she ended up on my lap. Yet again she’s telling me that I’m not going to get any and that we can go to her room but I have to behave. I was kind of annoyed at this point because what chick invites you to her place at 2AM and doesn’t expect to get fucked?! Why not just come out and say, what you’re ultimately thinking? Don’t talk shit like you’re not going to fuck and I’m a good girl, yada yada yada.

Now I’m in the room and she pulls out a BOX of condoms that she has in her drawer. Yea, good girl my ass! We have sex and I pass out. Mission accomplished, bitches.