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Something happened to me recently that kind of surprised me. It’s kind of baffling as to why you girls do things like this… But it’s entertaining to say the least, so here I go.

I walked into a club with one of my buddies and I do my normal surveillance of the venue. I see a couple ladies here and there but nothing too exciting. My friend that I’m with is a DJ and knows the DJ’s spinning that night. So we’re at the DJ booth hanging out and listening to some pretty sick sets. After about an hour or so of some intense he nodding, I see this tall dark-haired busty chick make eye contact with me. The connection was strong for about 3-4 seconds. I eventually smiled and she did the same. I told my boy that I would be right back and I made my way over to the girl and we began to chat. You know, all the basic stuff about where you’re from, where did you go to school, yada yada yada. Eventually we exchange numbers and make a plan to hangout.

The first time we kick it, I take her to a bar not too far from where we both live. The great thing about being in most Downtown cities is being able to walk to and from bars. I walk over to her place and we walk over to the bar, which happens to be about 3 blocks from her place (score!). We have a couple drinks and begin to chat about more boring and pointless shit. After awhile I start to get bored and I realize that I need to make a move fast because I have work in the morning. At that point I realize that two things could happen and I’m perfectly content with both: 1.) I can go home if she’s not into my advances and I could rub one out and pass out. 2.) She can be all about my advances and I can possibly get something out of this that would revolve around me climaxing on or around her breasts.

The conversations were slowing down and I knew something had to happen. I ask her if she was finished and I closed out the tab. As we’re walking back towards her place she mentions that she has alcohol and that we could drink for a little bit there. Not being gay or too concerned about my job at 9am the next morning, I accept. It’s pretty much safe to say at this point that if I’m in her apartment, then something is going to happen. She makes me a (strong) drink and my first impulse is to slam it… for obvious reasons… I’m a two-pump chump. I guzzle it down and we’re now standing in her kitchen talking talking talking and I honestly had no idea what she was talking about because all I could think of was her massive breasts. Now at that point I just pulled her close to me and we started making-out. Now, we didn’t have sex but she did take care of me… with minimal use of the hands… and a lot of spit, if you catch my drift.

So we fast forward to 3 or 4 nights similar to this one where it was nothing more than drinks and her taking care of me. They all started off with me texting saying – “hey, let’s have drinks” or “hey, let’s go to dinner”. Now there’s no mystery after the 2nd or even the 3rd time we hangout when EVERYtime turns into me climaxing on or around her breast or mouth. But the 5th time… I decide to skip the drinks and or dinner and just get straight to the point. Now let’s be honest here, I was out drinking earlier that night and couldn’t find anything better. This is how the conversation went:

Me: Hey… I want to come over. What are you up to?

Her: I’m not at home but what did you want to do?

Me: Well I want to suck on somethings and maybe you could suck on some things.

Her: Is that all that you think I’m good for? You’re disgusting…

Me: Wait a minute… What just happened? You know the last 3 or 4 times we hung out, it’s been me sucking or you sucking, right?

Her: Whatever, you’re a pig… you should lose my number!!

Me: Uhhh… This is weird and you’re probably right.

Now what the fuck just happened?! Why do you girls get all upset when all of a sudden a dude wants to get straight to the point and not hide behind a shallow conversation at dinner or over drinks? Needless to say, we stopped talking for like a month and then I got horny again and dialed her number. I played nice and I eventually had sex with her for the first time to make up for… lost… time. Now I know what you’re thinking. How come you didn’t have sex with her the first time or the second time… or the THIRD time??? It’s easy… She’s kind of a big girl. I found it’s easier to tell your friends you got head from a big girl then it is to tell them your banging a big girl. I don’t like to lie to people, so when my friends asked, I told.

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