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Archive for January, 2010

Fucking Hipsters

January 31, 2010 Leave a comment

Yes I have a fixed gear bike but she took it to the face a week earlier… Now who’s the real winner?!

Down And Out

January 31, 2010 Leave a comment

This video always helps me whenever I’m depresed about a chick. Because at the end of the day, I will be fine. This is random and totally out of left field. Nothing happened to me recently that has me depressed, I just heard this song on Pandora and thought…

“Damn, how many times has this song put a smile on my face?”

Too many to count since the song came out in 2007. Something to remember folks… We shouldn’t spend too much time dwelling over the past relationship or booty call or whatever. Let it stay in the past and find something new. You’ll thank me and yourself later.

Categories: Dating, Relationships, Women Tags:

Virginity For Sale Again

January 31, 2010 Leave a comment

I don’t see what all the fuss is about. If you have the money and obviously not the looks or personality… Why not benefit from this if someone is willing to give it up? Something tells me this girl is not by any means attractive, I could be wrong. Actually, I could be going to hell because she’s only 16. Let’s be honest though, 36D is a 36D no matter what frame it’s on. Thanks K!DULT.

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: , ,

Wedding Party

January 28, 2010 Leave a comment

When you surround yourself with like-minded people and you’re out on the town. Only good things can come out of it. Do you have those friends that you think understand you, but really don’t? Especially when it comes to the opposite sex and your views on dating or hooking up? Yea well, this guy, my friend… He gets me and I get him. When we’re out on the town something good always happens. Here’s a story from the last time we hung out. Let’s call him Rick:

I’ve planned this trip to hangout with Rick for some time. It’s winter time and all I can think about is snowboarding in Seattle and hitting the town with my buddy. We wake up early and complete an epic day in the snow. At the time, it was one of the best snow seasons to hit the area in some time. On our way back to his crib we’re planning our attack on the city. We chill out with some beers at his place and knock out a good power nap. Wake up to get ready and grab some dinner and drinks.

The first restaurant/bar we hit up, Rick immediately notices a young lady who is with a bachelorette party. It’s early, there is no way the party gods are handing us a lay-up like this at only 8PM. Rick makes his way over to the group and is hanging out for a couple minutes. Now, I would have accompanied him on this voyage, but we just ordered food which should be arriving any minute. So he was on a solo mission for a few… There was no way I’m going to let my Chilean Sea Bass with Miso Mashed Potato’s get cold. Even if it meant me motor boating some bridesmaid’s bitties. Also Rick is good at setting things up whether it’s for later that night at the same bar or later that night at his place.

Midway through his conversation with the ladies the food arrives and after murdering this mountain with my snowboard, I was ready to eat. He notices me digging in and decided to head back to the table. Once he sits down he explains that the ladies wanted to hangout and they were going to call him later. Not trying to put all of our pigs in the blanket just yet, we agreed that if nothing happened later that night, then we need to make sure they knew we’re the main attraction for the bachelorette’s night out as a single woman. If the place we were eating at was not an upscale establishment and the women were not sitting a couple tables away from us, I would have given him a high-five for being on the same page as myself. SEE, he get’s it!!!

We’re now done with food and about to head to the first club/lounge for the night. On our way out he introduces me to the ladies. There was a total of 6 girls at the table and only 2 of them were not up to par and thankfully one of them was the bride! Now I  do have a conscious and I never intend on pursuing a woman that’s already spoken for. So she is immediately eliminated. But the others were ripe for the picking. One mentions that they will see us later and we both smiled and agreed we would all hangout later.

Now we’re out the door and in pursuit of one of the first of many destinations for the night. As the cab drops us off and we’re now doing our walk-through of the lounge, we see a few hot chicks but nothing too exciting. We decide to order a few drinks and chill in a populated area of the lounge. Randomly half way through our first drink, A girl (not attractive) comes up to me and asks for me to take a picture of her and her friends. Now… I love when girls ask me to do this. I act like I’m getting ready to snap a picture of them and when they’re in their sexy model faces, I turn around and take a picture of myself! It’s a genius plan to get the girl to take down your information and hit you up with the picture. This is extremely successful if it’s a girl that is not that attractive and knows it because she has hotter friends with her. Me and Rick we’re already feeling good from the drinks at the restaurant and now two drinks from this bar. So we keep doing the same thing… Act like we’re going to take a picture of them and then take a picture of us. After about 3 or 4 pictures of ourselves the girls were now irritated. We were amused and could really care less what they thought of it. I blame the 4th Patron on the rocks.

One of the girls was seriously pissed so I then took a group photo of them and then they stormed off. I laughed with Rick for a couple minutes because it was indeed fucking hilarious to us. Eventually one of the girls started to hangout a couple feet away from myself and Rick. I noticed this and started to work my way closer to her. We make eye contact and then I walk over to her to apologize. Not because I was sorry for what I did, but because I wanted her to think I was. Rick starts to talk to the hottest one of the group who turns out to be a nurse… Why are the hot ones always nurses?!

I get bored with the current group of girls only because I’m more interested in the new crop of girls at the next bar. Me and Rick decide to work the other side of the bar and part ways with the self photo haters. As we walk through the crowd I see a girl that resembles Kim Kardashian make eye contact with me. Of course it’s not her but this chick could easily be a sister to the Calabasas Armenian Princesses. I take the lead through the crowd because I’ve already decided I need to be next to her. Damn her smile was too sexy. After a few minutes I find out that she’s in town for a wedding. She’s at the bar with her sisters who were very attractive as well. Rick is now drawn to one of the sisters and it’s a win win situation. We immediately exchange numbers and it was pretty obvious that we were both looking to take things to the next level… Which would be us exchanging saliva or me… Yea… Me inside of her.

The Persian sisters invite us to a club a block away. We agree to meet them there because Rick wanted to check out another bar and end the night at the club they’re attending. This would have been the one time that we didn’t see eye to eye on something. But I trust my good friend and this is just the 2nd bar of the night. The Persians leave the bar and we start to close out our tab. As soon as we’re done signing out, the self photo haters roll up. I could tell that Rick was really into the nurse so I didn’t put up much of a fight when we ended up staying at the bar longer just to chat with them… Again.

Pretty much at this point all I can think about is my own personal Kim Kardashian waiting for me at another club. Being in the intoxicated state that I’m in and not thinking, I text her.

Me: Hey, are you guys at the club?

Her: Yup we just got here and it’s kind of lame, I think we’re going to go back to our hotel.

Me: That’s not good, there is still time to drink and hangout. Come meet us back at the original bar.

Her: No, I think we’re done for the night…

Her: You should come over though 🙂

Me: Uhh… I can do that. Is it cool if I bring Rick with me?

Her: Is he your chaperon? Does he need to follow you everywhere?

Me: Hahaha. No, he’s not. But he can keep your sister’s company.

Her: Alright, cool. We’re at the Red Lion hotel in room 609

Me: Perfect… Once we’re done here, we will head over there.

Ok, so… At this point all I can think about is snuggling up with some Persian box tonight. Rick is determined to check out at least one more bar. Now this would be the second time we didn’t see eye to eye, only because I wanted to leave the bar NOW and he wanted to still fish around. He was cool with the idea of the hotel shenanigans but wanted to have more options at last call. Which I can understand but dammit, I HAVE A SLAM DUNK! We bounce to the next place and meet a couple more girls who were so desperate it was almost a turn-off… almost. I could tell at this point Rick was getting too drunk for his own good so I pulled the trigger. I grabbed him and we jumped into a cab to the Red Lion. Once in the cab he started to think clearly and apologized for waiting so long to hit up the hotel. I laughed at him and said “straighten the fuck up and put your game face on… WE’RE GOING IN!” The cabbie then chuckles.

My Persian sex goddess was still awake and we have now pulled up to the hotel. I pay the chuckling cabbie and we storm into the hotel in our best drunken stuppers. We were to the point to where we couldn’t develop a game plan. We knew that the sisters were sharing a room and we were just going to wing it. For the record, the best nights are those nights that are not planned out and you just go with the flow. We walk up to the door which is at the end of the hall next to one other room. It was in an area of the hotel that I immediately knew… If things got weird and people start fucking in the hallway, no one would know! Perfect… It’s been known to happen.

I knock on the door, it opens and I’m hit with the sexiest dark-haired light brown-eyed woman this side of SeaTac. They have liquor in their room which draws Rick in. He pours himself a drink and then one for me. The girls were done for the night. After about 30 min. of the most random conversations I’ve had in a long time (primarily because me and Rick turn into the goofiest sons of bitches you’ve ever met in your life drunk). The young lady I’m with asks me to get under the covers with her… I uhh… get under the covers and we almost immediately start to make-out and do all the things that uber Christians would tell us not to do. RICK, also jumped into bed with the other sister. Now in the middle of my make-out sucking sessions, I can hear Rick arguing with the sister about how he can’t pass out with his pants on. The sister mentions that he’s cool to stay in the bed with her under the covers but he is NOT going to take his pants off. Haha! What does Rick do?! He takes his fucking pants off anyway… Smooth move Rick. The sister starts to scream and then asks Rick to leave the room. I’m not going to let my boy go home by himself, even if I have this beautiful Persian queen of the Northwestern skies laying next to me. So I kiss my chick and tell her that me and Rick are going to go. She is understanding, me and Rick shake the spot. I can’t help but laugh at Rick in his drunken state. We’re now at the front of the hotel and a cab rolls up. Two women walk out and we’re about to walk in. We say hello to the ladies and compliment them on their most sluttiest attire. They smile and as me and Rick are half way into the cab, they invite us back to their room… Umm… Yes please!

We go BACK into the hotel and we end up on the same floor as the one we just left. Not as drunk as Rick I notice this and I start to laugh to myself. What are the odds that these girls are going to the same room as the one we left? The elevator door opens and we walk down the hall… In the same direction as the last room we were in. We start to approach the door of the sisters and I’m now TRIPPING BALLS! But what do you know, we pass the room and end up at the room directly next door to them!!! No fucking way!!!

As we enter the room, Rick realizes what just happened. I will be honest… All of this was running through my head while we’re talking and walking. But I didn’t mention it to Rick because the chicks were seriously in their most slutiest attire and all I could see was breasts. We go into the room and there is more alcohol! We drink… They drink… They get comfortable… Rick… Get’s Comfortable… AGAIN! But this time they’re cool with it, nice. Through some strategic conversation topics we find out that the current women are COUSINS with the girls next door. We never tell them that we knew the sisters next door. Those details were not important. The room goes quiet for a minute and all you can here is Rick’s sloppy tongue inside one of the chicks mouths. I pump my fist and promptly go in on my partners neck and then breast. What seemed like 5 min. later, I hear her snoring. Hahaha… I wish I was making this shit up. Rick and the other girl are passed out and I’m now laughing again. I get up and grab Rick and the bottle of Grey Goose. We jump into a cab and head back to his house to try to convince ourselves that we’re going snowboarding again in 4 hours.

Yea… That didn’t happen.

Sex Club

January 27, 2010 Leave a comment

So let’s be honest here… If I’m ever in a club and I notice people starting to get down to business. The last think I’m going to do is stand around and look shocked! My first instinct would be to find the hottest chick in the club and do the first thing that comes to mind.

P.S. Why would that surprise you if you were a musician who travels all over the world. I don’t listen to Lil Scrappy, but I’d imagine that this fool has somewhere deep inside is albums, lyrics about smashing chicks in random places. Something doesn’t sit right with me and this young lad’s reaction to the club shenanigans.

Categories: Clubs Tags: , ,

Losing It

January 27, 2010 Leave a comment

Work is a little stressful right now. I find myself losing focus of trying to do the right thing to get girls in my bed. It’s crazy, I know.

As I’m in a new city now for work, I find myself meeting a girl within the first couple of days. We exchange numbers and we make a plan to hangout. The night seemed to be going well and even at one point I made a move and we started to make-out. I’m thinking to myself that this is in the bag, before you know it… She’s going to be in my bed bobbing some knob.

The night moves on and we go to a couple more bars. Before you know it, we’re both pretty buzzed. On our way back to my hotel I invite her to my room and she declines. I know that she has work in the morning… or so she says. The thing with me is, I’m not too persistent when it comes to convincing a young lady to come to my place. It’s either you do or you don’t. If she’s not coming in, another girl will at some point down the road.

Now we fast forward to last night (which is 4 days after the date above) and I’m on a different date with a new chick. This one I’ve actually had a few days of small talking and “planting the seed”. We go out and get some drinks… No making-out happened but there was a lot of smiles and even some touching. Yet again I’m like, BAM! She’s coming over… Yea, not so much.

We’re on the way back to my hotel and I invite her up. She declines… DAMMIT! As per usual, I don’t try too hard to convince her to chill with me. I leave it alone, get out the car and I’m on my way.

Now I don’t push for them to try to come in for 2 reasons:

1.) The majority of guys out there will try really hard for them to come inside. Showing that they’re desperate and that naturally is a turn off. No one wants to seem desperate and at the end of the day, if these girls are not worth me spending my time on and getting to know too well… why try so hard? I’m in and I’m out… Literally.

2.) If a girl says no… she means no. I’m sure at some point throughout the date, she’s probably thought about what she was going to say if I asked her back to my room. If she wanted to say yes, she would have said so. You never want to get into an argument about her coming over. I just leave it as is. The majority of the time it’s worked out in my favor to not press on having them come over and they’ve contacted me later on down the road, asking to come over. Now that’s a win.

But, I’ll be honest… I thought that I had both girls in the bag. I was wrong and I felt like I was losing it. Believe me, I won’t spend too much time worrying about it. I need to spend more time finding different chicks. Play the odds kids, play the odds. I usually bag about 1 out of 3 new girls I meet a month. Then I pretty much user their mouths or vagina’s for a month and move on. Yea, it sounds bad but… You know you’re thinking it too when you’re with someone who you don’t want to be with long-term but you want to just have fun with.

Categories: Dating Tags: ,

iPad

January 27, 2010 Leave a comment

It’s so easy to talk about all the cool things the iPad has to offer. But what about the bad things… The things that make it… Suck? Well, here is a list of 8 Things That Suck About The iPad. Thank you Gizmodo!

Categories: Technology Tags: , ,